learning to revel

i took a walk today with Ilona, by myself. it was the first. i was a little nervous. not so much about the safety aspect (although that’s always in the back of my mind), but more so about doing something new with her. unchartered territory is always intimidating, right? she’s been more fussy lately and the only way i can console her is to hold her--all day, all night. who’s complaining? she’s incredible, but what if she started screaming her head off on our walk and i was 15 minutes from home. what would i do then? it’s thoughts like that one that almost kept me from taking those first few steps out our front door. am i am so glad that i did. Ilona loves walks. always has. even in the womb, i knew she loved walking because it was calm her hiccups, still her kicking and give me an overall sense that she was at peace. at peace with the movement. at peace with the fresh air. at peace with the relaxed pace that walking demands. no multi-tasking, chores, or to-do lists allowed. just us (and most of the time, her daddy), outside taking in the day. what is Ilona teaching me about God? that’s my question for today. something that struck me anew today during our walk was just how at peace she is as soon as her needs are met. her needs are simple, child-like if you will. eating, changing diapers, burping, sleeping and physical touch. those are her needs as i understand them after one month together. if one of those needs is unmet for too long of a length of time, she has learned to let me know. it’s undeniable. ;) but when i am able to meet her needs she enters this state of complete relax. the tension from her body leaves. she no longer cries. she stares off. i’m not sure always what she’s staring at, so far her favorite objects are: my face, the white walls and a sparkly candle by her changing pad. she could just gaze at those objects for anywhere 5-20 minutes. happy as a clam. at peace with the world and with herself. appreciating the beauty that she beholds in her perspective, however limited, of life. this reminds me of Jesus’ teaching about faith like a child. Ilona is my ever-constant reminder of that childlike faith. as soon as she feels taken care of, her needs having been met, she is able to appreciate all that’s around her, all that’s been given to her. for an infant, i think this is her way of expressing gratitude to the Giver of all good things. this is how her faith is made real. and what about me? is it so easy for me to pause during the day and appreciate the beauty around me? do i immediately and naturally turn my face towards God and offer Him the praise He deserves? when is the last time i expressed gratitude for the innumerable ways He more than meets my needs. maybe that’s the problem. i think sometimes i forget that all my needs have already been met. when jesus sacrificed himself for the sake of me and in order to present my life pure and blameless before God, he met every need i would ever have in this life. i’m too quick to forget this. my needs have been met, hallelujah! because of Ilona and our walk i was able to pause today and give thanks for that gift. it’s a gift so good that i could thank God each and every day of my life and it wouldn’t come close to recognizing the amazing work He has done. but today, i can start. i saw today with new eyes. i even noticed for the first time the beauty there is to behold on the streets of san pedro sula. i have walked this path dozens of times in the past year and a half, but today was the first day i noticed the brilliant hues of red, oranges, yellows and purples in the trees. instead of carefully watching my steps, looking down so that i wouldn’t trip in one of the many potholes, or walk into a pile of garbage, today i chose to walk with my head lifted. looking ahead and looking up. it’s then that my heart is able to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me. and only then do i have the desire to thank the Author and Perfecter of my faith- the one who has already provided for my needs and so much more. thank you God for the gift of beauty all around us, and for especially in my daughter, which reminds us of the grace, power and majesty that you possess. may i always revel in that truth, just as Ilona revels in the faces, walls and sparkly candles around her.