writing in pencil

i have really (understatement) enjoyed reading a book called, cold tangerines, by shauna niequist (shout out to abbi! it's wonderful, thanks!) she reminds me a lot of myself...excitable, passionate, energetic, bold (too bold at times), connected to family, an entertainer, a planner. something she wrote in the most recent chapter i read speaks profoundly to my heart and this season of my life. she starts off, "i am finally willing to admit something about life, i should have written in pencil." she goes on to describe how completely and perfectly she is able to plan each and every detail of her life, to the point that she might have as well written in permanent marker.

hmm, that's definitely me. sharpie markers are even my preferred writing instrument. i love, and i mean love making to-do lists, and then crossing off all my accomplishments. i have even been known a time or two to write something on my list after it's accomplished, just so that i have the rush of being able to cross it off. i love calendars, keeping track of each and every detail of my life, and now jason's :), too. i always have a plan for the next day, the next week, month, etc... i planned as a child to someday become a teacher, check. i planned to marry an incredible man, check. i planned to learn another language, check. i have done a good job of controlling the things in my life, or so i thought. when the college of my "dreams" became impossible, and then my second choice as well, i felt like my life was turned upside down. of course i know today that God had a plan much bigger and better than mine. but this experience is only one of many that shows a very clear pattern of how God works in my life.

it's scary that i can plan so perfectly, to the point of not really needing God's involvement. well, thankfully my Father knows my needs far better than i. i see how so many of the biggest decisions of my life were either: 1. made for me (college), or 2. the result of a huge step of faith (like honduras). i realize now that i have always been just craving control. i have wanted the details of my work, relationships, faith, where i would live, and family to be written in bold and permanent sharpie markers. this chapter in shauna's book reminds me of the importance of viewing so much of life as written in pencil. not so permanent, but flexible. not so bold, but calm and patient.

"everything is interim. every season that i thought was stable and would be just how it was for a long time ended up being a preparation or path to the next thing. when you decide to be on this journey with God, everything is interim." when i view the details as my life as permanent, i squeeze out God. i stop listening for his still, small voice to speak to me, to move me, to challenge me. when i live like i have it all figured out, i leave out God's gift of His presence to lead and to guide us. to give us hope. to give us purpose in all things.

i really like the image of writing in pencil. this is a huge challenge for me. i have to commit to waiting on God more, instead of running full speed ahead. i have to be willing to listen and silence so much of the "noise" in my life. i have to be willing to do things and go places i never would have imagined or planned. that's scary for me. this move to honduras is definitely a pencil decision. it's not listed on a single "to-do" list i have written. it's never been a specific prayer request or even dream. this decision is definitely a faith decision. we're trusting God to change us through this and root us more in His Truth. we are hoping to find adventure, loving people, a closer relationship with each other, and a deep purpose for how to live each day with radical faith, hospitality and love for others. how amazing that God is patient with us. He understands we are on a process to knowing Him more and loving Him more. i am encouraged by 2 corinthians 3:18, "And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." keep writing in pencil friends, God is good to lead you!

unos cambios

hello all... thanks for praying for us during this process. we are sooo happy to report that come august 1st, jason and i will be embarking on a new adventure to teach and counsel at a wonderful school in san pedro sula, honduras! escuela internacional sampedrana is located in the large (1.2 milion) metropolitan city of san pedro. jason will be the middle school counselor, and i will be teaching in the middle school. we are excited about the opportunity to practice our spanish skills, grow in our professional abilities, and even more to take this step of faith, trusting God to deepen our faith in Him and our love for each other. this adventure will most certainly provide us with countless memories and learning experiences. we anxiously look forward to them all! as the reality sets in though, that we are moving so far away from the people we love most, our hearts are already starting to experience some of the loss that will undoubtedly continue in the weeks and months to come. as you continue to remember us in your prayers, please join us in praising God for allowing us such an amazing opportunity. also, pray for our faith to remain steadfast in the truths of His Word, and for our hearts, which are full of joy yet feeling a bit broken at the same time. we can't wait to see what God has for us in Honduras! check out some exciting pictures of our new home...