you wouldn't know it by looking outside your window, but something new is being born amidst the snow covered lawn and branches encased with layer upon thick layer of ice. in the dead of winter, new life is yearning to emerge from the stillness of what looks like nothing at all. one day we will see. a tiny bud sprouting from beneath the tired earth. one day we will hear. the song of a flight of birds welcoming the new day. one day we will feel once again. the warmth of the sun bearing now upon our exposed skin and reminding us that we, too, are alive.
in this season of stillness, death and quiet, you wouldn't know it but God is birthing a new spirit within me as well. a spirit that is learning to wait more and rush less. one that desires to listen instead of always needing to be heard. a person defined less by what i can do and more by who i am becoming. a mother learning to die daily to her own needs and put the needs of another life before her own. someone who desires to walk out her front door in faith, unsure of the wheres and the hows and the whys... resting completely in the presence of He who walks before me.
following days and weeks and months of uprooting and re-cultivating myself, i have chosen to pause. to rest and to just be. i have no idea how to do that, and have realized i have been running for far too long. chasing something always just out of my reach. the unattainable. following good, but not always timely pursuits. missing the moments of today because of the regrets of yesterday and fears for tomorrow. learning to be mindful of my thoughts, my feelings, my actions and my experiences has proven to be a challenge worth pursuing. "be still and know that I AM GOD" has taken on a whole new meaning for me in this season of slowing down. daily i have to fight the desire to fill my suddenly open days with good, but meaningless hurry, and to turn up the volume of so many distractions so that i can't even feel the moment i am living.
my hope in this opportunity of open spaces and unstructured time is that i would truly embrace each moment. to slow down and really feel the new life i am living today. to quiet my thoughts and cease my plans for the time being. just to be and to allow something new to be born in my soul.
