where we're going and where we've been.

the first image is likely more recognizable to many of you than the second. this shot of downtown wheaton represents so much of where i think jason and i are coming from. we come from very loving and very involved families who have and would do anything for us. we come from a place of security, in which we have always had what we needed, and more often that not what we wanted. our faith was instilled and fostered since childhood, and continues to shape our minds and hearts today. our life paths have been relatively "easy", nothing we couldn't walk through without our family, friends and God carrying us through.

the second image struck me the first time i saw it. yes, as you may have guessed, it's a shot of san pedro sula at night. i was struck by the chaos that seems to be everywhere. cars, pedestrians, bright signs, no clearly evident traffic flow. from my previous experiences in large (international) cities, this was also the case. every city has it's own personality, and it's only with time that one can learn it. most captivating to me though was the dim street light, shining ever so boldly in the midst of it all. it's there for you whether you think about it or not, lighting your path as you navigate the uncertain routes ahead.

as i have taken a few moments this week to be still in the presence of God, i read through much of 2 Corinthians and was drawn to the references about light. 2 Corinthians 4: 6-7: For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

we have been granted so powerful a gift, the presence of God in our lives, which has the potential to shine like a bright beacon of hope to those around us. just as that one single light post lit the busy streets of honduras, God's presence wants to light up the brokenness and chaos that is our lives (aka: jars of clay), and draw others into relationship with Himself. if nothing else, our prayer is that the light that He has already shown in our hearts would burn brighter and stronger because of our time living in Honduras.

delight-ing...

i wish i could say i had a countdown playing over and over in my mind, but i don't. it's hard to imagine moving out of the country when i don't even know yet when we're moving. it's so like God to leave me out of the details, which for those of you who know me well know that this is likely the most uncomfortable place for me to be. i love details. well, God you've definitely been teaching me this lesson time and again, trust You and You alone, not the ways of the world (even if the ways of the world are neat, organized, predictable and clearly communicated). so far, we haven't experienced much of these "ways of world" when it comes to preparing to pack our things in to a few small suitcases and move to San Pedro Sula, Honduras. That's okay though, I'm finding my own ways to cope :)

our personal belongings are perfectly packed into 90 some inventoried, and categorically organized boxes, and stowed safely into our parents' basements and friends' attic (THANK YOU!) i am rockin' the google docs spreadsheet and can tell you right down to the box exactly where each and every precious "thing" we own is stored. since february, jason and i have been systematically checking things off our never-ending list, each month bringing us new challenges and assignments as we prepare to re-locate. we've finished boxing our things and loaning out precious possessions to friends and family who have agreed to "babysit" them while we're gone, and pray for us each time we come to mind. we've been immunized, had our teeth cleaned, studied a little Spanish, taken a couple dance classes, said goodbye to friends and family and worked hard to cherish every moment we have left in the beautiful suburbs of Chicago.

somehow in the midst of all the preparations, i've neglected the equally important job of preparing my mind and my heart for all the change to come. i've very conveniently distracted myself with my list of to-do's, and avoided dealing with the doubts in my mind and the fears in my heart. i try to be a very positive person and focus on the good around me, it's like looking at life from the "half-full" perspective. there's nothing fundamentally wrong with living out of this mentality, but i have been known to live among the clouds, instead of dealing with the reality facing me. i am confronted with a choice, look ahead to all the unknown and exciting possibilities to come, or look back at all that i am leaving behind. both directions have value and their place in my mind, yet both leave me feeling empty somehow.

lately it seems like i have to listen very carefully to hear that still, small voice that pleads with me. it's that tender voice that reminds me how dearly loved i am to Him who created me to be me, no more, no less. it's that confident voice that promises me safety if i just surrender my control and allow myself to be led. it's that all-knowing voice that speaks just what i need when i need it.

"delight yourself in ME, and I will give you the desires of your heart"

this promise comforted me so many times along my journey to wait for my companion, and boy did He deliver. i love you my sweet jason. this promise brought me much peace as i wrestled with how i should use my time and talents to honor God and serve others. i have been jumping at the bit to serve God and others internationally ever since that first summer in Brasil. my dear brasilian friends and mentors reminded me so many times that it's not so much about the "place" as it is about my heart and how it is made to love God and others wherever and whenever. and so i have been working on delighting myself more in God Himself, and less on the things i feel i "should" be doing. it's always been the "doing" that distracts me from my first priority of loving God.

where does that leave me today, as i continue to prepare for so much change to come? continuing to imagine all that lays ahead and cherishing all that we have to leave behind. but more importantly, i continue to delight...

an excerpt from Erwin McMannus' Uprising:
"When you make God your primary passion, He transforms all the passions of your heart. The result of this transformation is that it will be God's pleasure to fulfill those passions. Beyond this wonderful promise is the realization that when this transformation occurs, your passions become your best compass for your spiritual journey. When God is your desire, you can trust the passions of your heart. It is in this state that you can most fully live a uniquely passionate life."