writing in pencil

i have really (understatement) enjoyed reading a book called, cold tangerines, by shauna niequist (shout out to abbi! it's wonderful, thanks!) she reminds me a lot of myself...excitable, passionate, energetic, bold (too bold at times), connected to family, an entertainer, a planner. something she wrote in the most recent chapter i read speaks profoundly to my heart and this season of my life. she starts off, "i am finally willing to admit something about life, i should have written in pencil." she goes on to describe how completely and perfectly she is able to plan each and every detail of her life, to the point that she might have as well written in permanent marker.

hmm, that's definitely me. sharpie markers are even my preferred writing instrument. i love, and i mean love making to-do lists, and then crossing off all my accomplishments. i have even been known a time or two to write something on my list after it's accomplished, just so that i have the rush of being able to cross it off. i love calendars, keeping track of each and every detail of my life, and now jason's :), too. i always have a plan for the next day, the next week, month, etc... i planned as a child to someday become a teacher, check. i planned to marry an incredible man, check. i planned to learn another language, check. i have done a good job of controlling the things in my life, or so i thought. when the college of my "dreams" became impossible, and then my second choice as well, i felt like my life was turned upside down. of course i know today that God had a plan much bigger and better than mine. but this experience is only one of many that shows a very clear pattern of how God works in my life.

it's scary that i can plan so perfectly, to the point of not really needing God's involvement. well, thankfully my Father knows my needs far better than i. i see how so many of the biggest decisions of my life were either: 1. made for me (college), or 2. the result of a huge step of faith (like honduras). i realize now that i have always been just craving control. i have wanted the details of my work, relationships, faith, where i would live, and family to be written in bold and permanent sharpie markers. this chapter in shauna's book reminds me of the importance of viewing so much of life as written in pencil. not so permanent, but flexible. not so bold, but calm and patient.

"everything is interim. every season that i thought was stable and would be just how it was for a long time ended up being a preparation or path to the next thing. when you decide to be on this journey with God, everything is interim." when i view the details as my life as permanent, i squeeze out God. i stop listening for his still, small voice to speak to me, to move me, to challenge me. when i live like i have it all figured out, i leave out God's gift of His presence to lead and to guide us. to give us hope. to give us purpose in all things.

i really like the image of writing in pencil. this is a huge challenge for me. i have to commit to waiting on God more, instead of running full speed ahead. i have to be willing to listen and silence so much of the "noise" in my life. i have to be willing to do things and go places i never would have imagined or planned. that's scary for me. this move to honduras is definitely a pencil decision. it's not listed on a single "to-do" list i have written. it's never been a specific prayer request or even dream. this decision is definitely a faith decision. we're trusting God to change us through this and root us more in His Truth. we are hoping to find adventure, loving people, a closer relationship with each other, and a deep purpose for how to live each day with radical faith, hospitality and love for others. how amazing that God is patient with us. He understands we are on a process to knowing Him more and loving Him more. i am encouraged by 2 corinthians 3:18, "And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." keep writing in pencil friends, God is good to lead you!

unos cambios

hello all... thanks for praying for us during this process. we are sooo happy to report that come august 1st, jason and i will be embarking on a new adventure to teach and counsel at a wonderful school in san pedro sula, honduras! escuela internacional sampedrana is located in the large (1.2 milion) metropolitan city of san pedro. jason will be the middle school counselor, and i will be teaching in the middle school. we are excited about the opportunity to practice our spanish skills, grow in our professional abilities, and even more to take this step of faith, trusting God to deepen our faith in Him and our love for each other. this adventure will most certainly provide us with countless memories and learning experiences. we anxiously look forward to them all! as the reality sets in though, that we are moving so far away from the people we love most, our hearts are already starting to experience some of the loss that will undoubtedly continue in the weeks and months to come. as you continue to remember us in your prayers, please join us in praising God for allowing us such an amazing opportunity. also, pray for our faith to remain steadfast in the truths of His Word, and for our hearts, which are full of joy yet feeling a bit broken at the same time. we can't wait to see what God has for us in Honduras! check out some exciting pictures of our new home...

1.1.11

a friend of mine encouraged many to live for the One this year, and consider today, most unique of days (1.1.11), exactly what that looks like. in my quiet times i have been reading chambers', "my utmost for his highest". today's message is timely and encouraging for all who are seeking something to focus attention on in the new year. the reading starts with an interpretations of paul's letter to the philippians.

"my eager desire and hope being that i may never feel ashamed, but that now as ever i may do honour to Christ in my own person by fearless courage".

my english standard version states, "as it is my eager expectation and hope that i will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death" (phil. 1:20). but the importance of what paul's trying to say doesn't end there... he goes on to add one of his most read quotes, "for to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain".

i remember participating in an inductive bible study of the book of philippians several years ago, and this theme of paul comparing life and death was woven through the whole of the book. the major theme, as i can remember, is that of a bond-servant rejoicing. the idea of a bond-servant was most fascinating to me. a bond-servant was someone who satisfied his earthly duties of service to his master, yet once given the opportunity for freedom declined. the bond-servant instead chose to voluntarily devote himself in service to his master, most likely because of love for his master and the quality of life he would maintain under the care of another person, even a master.

paul used this imagery of a bond-servant throughout his letter to the philippians to demonstrate the level of service to his Master to which he had committed his entire being, both in life as well as in death. and he does so REJOICING! read philippians, it's truly inspirational! as he wrote, he encouraged his fellow believers to also live the life of a bond-servant, fully devoted to one Master. today as believers in the One True God, we are encouraged to rejoice as we proclaim the truth of Christ, to rejoice as we serve Christ, to rejoice as we persevere in Christ, and finally as we rest in His truth.

but, like a bond-servant, we are given a choice. the ransom on our lives, due to the sin in us and in the world, was already paid because of Christ's perfect sacrifice and miraculous resurrection. the choice is now up to us. will we choose everyday to live like someone who's Master has paid the ultimate price and given all so that we might experience fullness of joy in a relationship with Him? Will we surrender our own wills, desires, hopes, etc?

both chambers and paul explained that this surrender of will is not something easily, or quickly achieved. it's an on-going decision. chambers encourages us not to focus on what this type of surrendered living may cost us, rather to remember that God does know the cost, better and more fully than we ever will. and so we say in surrender, my utmost for your highest Lord. paul says it a little differently. "for to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain". wow. he knew the ultimate display of surrender may be for some to die. many people sacrifice their life daily for the sake of proclaiming and serving christ. their names are unknown to you and to me, but God knows them all. He rejoices alongside them in their lives and in their deaths, as He desires to do in each of our lives. This type of living (and dying) takes courage. It demands perseverance. It needs hope. It requires a complete surrender of one's life in service to a loving, all-knowing and truly good Master.

so friends... on this day of making change. i ask you to help me keep my faith. pray that i might not feel ashamed as i seek to live with fearless courage completely in honor of the One and only deserving Master.

glory to god in the highest...

It's still amazes me how well I am known by God. He knows me personally and deeply. He knows when I am feeling scared, excited, nervous and sad. He knows me better than I know myself. Because of this, He continues to reveal Himself to me in new and relevant ways. It's no wonder that in the Bible God is referred to using so many different names. His names not only tell us who God is, they also remind us who we are in Him. Since He is our Shepherd, we are His sheep. Since He is our wonderful Father, we are His precious sons and daughters. Since He is our mighty King, we are His protected and privileged subjects. Since He is the whole Vine, we are branches filled with His very life. And since He is our Bridegroom, we are His beloved bride and may delight in Him forever. During this Christmas season, we encourage you to ponder the names of God, for after all, He is our Wonderful Counselor, Almighty Father, Prince of Peace, and thanks to His most personal and beautiful gift in the baby Jesus, we can call HIm EMMANUEL, God With Us!

...and on earth, PEACE to all men!
We Love You!

soul warming

During this season of Advent, Jason and I are pausing each day to reflect upon the Truth of Christ's gift to the world as we wait in anticipation for both the season of Christmas and His forthcoming return to redeem any and all that would have Him. This Advent practice of meditation and hopeful anticipation provides us with a much needed "pause" from the craziness of all that life is right now. There is a lot that is unknown for us right now, but in the spirit of Christmas and honoring the great work God has done in our lives, I want to express my deep thankfulness for how He has blessed me abundantly. So, here goes... :)
1. Family: I have been so very privileged to have been born in to a loving family and expansive extended family. I have dear loved ones all over the world, from Chicago to Portland, from Traverse City to Afghanistan, and so many places in between. My family has also welcomed new little ones this year, and more on the way :) What a joy it has been to see the ones I love most of all, grow up year after year, and learn how to make sense of this world and love God deeply. Seeing so many hurting people on a daily basis through my work, I can only understand this blessed and beautiful family I have as a precious gift from God.



2. Friends: My life has certainly been an adventure of sorts, taking me to so many places, Lincoln, Sao Paulo, Chicago, and now back to my roots ... to name a few :) In each of this places God has brought in to my life so many beautiful people to love and accept me for all that I am, the good and the bad. I was just so blessed to spend a long weekend with dear dear friends from college, Go Huskers!, and really revel in the sweetness of friendship. The deep conversations, the gut-wrenching laughter, the all knowing looks deep in to each other's hearts. When we're not together, and not all of us can be, I deeply appreciate the phone calls, emails and cards. I feel so connected with each of you, I marvel at how much my life changed from a few short months living in Abel Hall and at A-Phi. I love you all and hopefully wait for another weekend together, soon.

3. Community: Jason and I have both been raised to both desire and need deep, communal relationships. Living in the suburbs makes this difficult, everyone always running full speed ahead, in opposite directions of course :) Still, that desire has lead us to attempt to be very intentional with our time and energies. We have recently started meeting with our very close friends, who also desire this level of community and commitment in relationships. We are meeting to read together, to share a meal and more importantly to share each other's burdens. We all have burdens... it only makes sense to lighten the load of another. We are experiencing community on another level as we welcome Liz and Eloise "home", to us. They have brought much needed energy and lightness into our days. We love you!

4. Adventure: I am lost without adventure. I need to know that life could change at any minute, even though that change sometimes seems unbearable. That adventurous aspect of life is what continues to bring me back to faith and trust in God alone. When life is predictable and routine, I can so easily forget God's place in it all. When my comforts are threatened, and the future seems uncertain, that's when I truly remember my deep need for Him alone. Pray for us as we seek to embark on an adventure, chasing our dreams and more of God in the day to day. More news to come :)

"i love milano"

on a backpacking trip through europe with my friend, i bought five baseball caps that proudly read, "i love milano". i realize today that i could have bought 100 of those hats and outfitted only some of the members of family. well, now 8 years later, my dad still sports that hat around, reminding me and so many others why it is that we love "milano", or in our case, "family" so much!

according to a recent internet search, family is defined as: people descended from a common ancestor; people who provide a sense of belonging; those that give identity and provide support and security; the people you care about and the people who care about you.



this weekend marked the 10 year anniversary of my Milano family's reunions. my dad is the sixth of eight children from a beloved italian family. jerry, marianne, mickie, fran, john, joe, jim and frank sure have given their parents, gerard and ruth, a lot to be proud of (and a run for their money at times!) their family journey began in oak park, il and traveled to glen ellyn, il and now has expanded across the nation. the family of 10 quickly grew and expanded the idea of family to include what they like to refer to as "the outlaws" and the original 25 grandchildren. however, when asked how many first cousins i have on my dad's side, i quickly respond with, "about 50-ish". you see, now the term cousin has also grown to include spouses and cousin's children, creating an even larger and ever-changing milano family.

today, however, included all the milano family members previously mentioned, and more. cousins, and second-cousins, and great aunts and uncles brought a world of family all to one beautiful forest preserve in elk grove village. although we all expected there to be food, as food is an assumed addition to any italian function no matter the time, the sheer volume would have astounded most. there was also bocce ball and bags to play, hoola hooping to experiment with, blankets to relax upon, stories to share from each individual life represented, and of course pictures to capture every moment.



because of this weekend i understand "family" better. i have sat across the table from some beautiful people and learned a lot. it's amazing how someone who lives thousands of miles away and who you see at most once a year, can remind you so much of yourself. we have shared tears remembering those in our family who have passed on from this life. we have felt truly gut-wrenching laughter over something a crazy uncle/aunt has said. we have stayed up late playing games and sharing heartfelt conversations. i have seen firsthand why when god designed us in his likeness, he didn't plan for us to live separate or isolated lives. he placed us intentionally in to families. he put us in to families for better or for worse. yes, sometimes we can annoy each other and cause us to question how we can even be related. but we are still family. in his plan we are placed in to families for our own betterment. you see, i have experienced how being in a family can make you better. i am stretched to love more, give more and share more of myself with others. in this familial relationship we can find that security, care and common belonging that we were created to desire. without family, who would be there to share in the highs, the lows and the boring everydays of life? i recognize this is probably not everyone's reality, so it's with gratefulness and a joyful heart that i thank god for each of you that i call family. he has used you in my life in countless ways, we will never know them all. i love you family and have cherished every moment we have shared during this crazy journey. ps- picutures to come :)

365 days (and counting...)

this post is definitely late in coming, but i think it's still worth mentioning :) i am so blessed. it's hard for me to remember days without jason. he has become the most important and influential thing in my life. god has certainly surprised me with him, an old friend who has become so much more! i love him and cherish every moment we have together. we just celebrated our first wedding anniversary in beautiful florida and the bahamas. our trip was full of so many memories (both good and not so good). i'm a list maker, and such a list maker that i often add things to my list after i have finished them. so it only seems right to list off some of our memories from the trip: 1. first convertible 2. sea world 3. long, hot and sunburn-ing drives 4. singer island state park 5. moldy hotels 6. reunions with old friends 7. south florida beaches 8. snorkeling 9. karaoke 10. friendly bahamians. this is just a snapshot, but take a look at some of our highlights from the trip!