where we're going and where we've been.

the first image is likely more recognizable to many of you than the second. this shot of downtown wheaton represents so much of where i think jason and i are coming from. we come from very loving and very involved families who have and would do anything for us. we come from a place of security, in which we have always had what we needed, and more often that not what we wanted. our faith was instilled and fostered since childhood, and continues to shape our minds and hearts today. our life paths have been relatively "easy", nothing we couldn't walk through without our family, friends and God carrying us through.

the second image struck me the first time i saw it. yes, as you may have guessed, it's a shot of san pedro sula at night. i was struck by the chaos that seems to be everywhere. cars, pedestrians, bright signs, no clearly evident traffic flow. from my previous experiences in large (international) cities, this was also the case. every city has it's own personality, and it's only with time that one can learn it. most captivating to me though was the dim street light, shining ever so boldly in the midst of it all. it's there for you whether you think about it or not, lighting your path as you navigate the uncertain routes ahead.

as i have taken a few moments this week to be still in the presence of God, i read through much of 2 Corinthians and was drawn to the references about light. 2 Corinthians 4: 6-7: For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

we have been granted so powerful a gift, the presence of God in our lives, which has the potential to shine like a bright beacon of hope to those around us. just as that one single light post lit the busy streets of honduras, God's presence wants to light up the brokenness and chaos that is our lives (aka: jars of clay), and draw others into relationship with Himself. if nothing else, our prayer is that the light that He has already shown in our hearts would burn brighter and stronger because of our time living in Honduras.

delight-ing...

i wish i could say i had a countdown playing over and over in my mind, but i don't. it's hard to imagine moving out of the country when i don't even know yet when we're moving. it's so like God to leave me out of the details, which for those of you who know me well know that this is likely the most uncomfortable place for me to be. i love details. well, God you've definitely been teaching me this lesson time and again, trust You and You alone, not the ways of the world (even if the ways of the world are neat, organized, predictable and clearly communicated). so far, we haven't experienced much of these "ways of world" when it comes to preparing to pack our things in to a few small suitcases and move to San Pedro Sula, Honduras. That's okay though, I'm finding my own ways to cope :)

our personal belongings are perfectly packed into 90 some inventoried, and categorically organized boxes, and stowed safely into our parents' basements and friends' attic (THANK YOU!) i am rockin' the google docs spreadsheet and can tell you right down to the box exactly where each and every precious "thing" we own is stored. since february, jason and i have been systematically checking things off our never-ending list, each month bringing us new challenges and assignments as we prepare to re-locate. we've finished boxing our things and loaning out precious possessions to friends and family who have agreed to "babysit" them while we're gone, and pray for us each time we come to mind. we've been immunized, had our teeth cleaned, studied a little Spanish, taken a couple dance classes, said goodbye to friends and family and worked hard to cherish every moment we have left in the beautiful suburbs of Chicago.

somehow in the midst of all the preparations, i've neglected the equally important job of preparing my mind and my heart for all the change to come. i've very conveniently distracted myself with my list of to-do's, and avoided dealing with the doubts in my mind and the fears in my heart. i try to be a very positive person and focus on the good around me, it's like looking at life from the "half-full" perspective. there's nothing fundamentally wrong with living out of this mentality, but i have been known to live among the clouds, instead of dealing with the reality facing me. i am confronted with a choice, look ahead to all the unknown and exciting possibilities to come, or look back at all that i am leaving behind. both directions have value and their place in my mind, yet both leave me feeling empty somehow.

lately it seems like i have to listen very carefully to hear that still, small voice that pleads with me. it's that tender voice that reminds me how dearly loved i am to Him who created me to be me, no more, no less. it's that confident voice that promises me safety if i just surrender my control and allow myself to be led. it's that all-knowing voice that speaks just what i need when i need it.

"delight yourself in ME, and I will give you the desires of your heart"

this promise comforted me so many times along my journey to wait for my companion, and boy did He deliver. i love you my sweet jason. this promise brought me much peace as i wrestled with how i should use my time and talents to honor God and serve others. i have been jumping at the bit to serve God and others internationally ever since that first summer in Brasil. my dear brasilian friends and mentors reminded me so many times that it's not so much about the "place" as it is about my heart and how it is made to love God and others wherever and whenever. and so i have been working on delighting myself more in God Himself, and less on the things i feel i "should" be doing. it's always been the "doing" that distracts me from my first priority of loving God.

where does that leave me today, as i continue to prepare for so much change to come? continuing to imagine all that lays ahead and cherishing all that we have to leave behind. but more importantly, i continue to delight...

an excerpt from Erwin McMannus' Uprising:
"When you make God your primary passion, He transforms all the passions of your heart. The result of this transformation is that it will be God's pleasure to fulfill those passions. Beyond this wonderful promise is the realization that when this transformation occurs, your passions become your best compass for your spiritual journey. When God is your desire, you can trust the passions of your heart. It is in this state that you can most fully live a uniquely passionate life."

spring happens

as we prepare to move to honduras this summer, we have been quite busy preparing, seeing friends and family and wrapping up the school year. this spring also symbolizes a couple of mile stones in our life, including our 2nd anniversary and completing our Master's degrees. Hope you enjoy some snapshots of our spring highlights...

our first apartment in warrenville (before the craziness of packing up our lives into as few boxes as possible




enjoying some last moments of joy with eloise


easter at the csukors... fun with bella & caden



date night celebrating our second year of marriage, graduation and saying farewell to chicago



demo day with wells & austin ... their first house in aurora!




mother's day with some of the beautiful mothers in my life


graduation day... Masters of Arts in Curriculum & Instruction & Masters of Social Work


thanks for taking a quick glimpse into our lives... more honduras updates to come!

thoughts on cooking #1

i use two staple ingredients for most of my cooking. interestingly, they compliment each other quite well and symbolically represent the two vibrant cultures i was raised to appreciate and call my own. those who know me best have even commented that there is an always-present aroma of the two at any given time in my home. any guesses?

well as an italian, i grew up eating garlic at any time of the day, and in most meals. i have carried on this italian/milano tradition quite well, if i do say so myself :) my kitchen includes garlic in all forms: minced, powdered, and the most traditional, fresh garlic cloves. it's pretty safe to say that i cook more meals with garlic, than without. i have been known to double or even triple the amount of garlic a recipe calls for, as well as add it in to any meal that i see fit, recipe or not. garlic is used well when sauteing, seasoning or adding its unique flavor to add dish. in 2007 a debate raged in the garlic capital of the world, rome, italy, about the pungency of garlic, and whether or not it overwhelmed the other more delicate flavors made trademark in italian cooking. after reading the debate, i personally relate most with the garlic aficionados who state that it enhances any dish it touches. to learn more about the garlic debate in italy, read for yourself at: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11795704

my other cultural side is completely hungarian, and slave to the sweet, spicy and vibrant spice, paprika. paprika on eggs, on chicken, on pasta, on garlic bread (ironic, hugh?), on beef, with potatoes, with rice, and as a seasoning for any and all forms of delicious hungarian sausage! to give you some perspective, i once went through an entire 4 oz. spice jar of paprika in less than a year! so sorry Wells! :) paprika is the most recognizable of all hungarian cooking elements, famous for bringing to life the delicious flavors of hungarian goulash, or my favorite, chicken paprika. if you have never eaten "real" hungarian food, prepared by a traditional hungarian chef, you're really missing out! i'm sure my Mama would love to have you over for a meal, let me know! Her cooking is remarkable: simple, yet flavorful. traditional, yet so full of life. and most importantly, prepared with more love than i have found anywhere else. i love you Mama.

For the next several posts, I plan to devote my attention to some unique, creative and tasty meals I have prepared lately. I hope my ideas inspire you to cook more and try things you never imagined would actually taste good. Bon Appetit!

in honor of "meatless monday": my own mediterranean pizza

mediterranean pizza prepared with gluten free pizza crust from scratch, white albacore tuna fish (in water), garbanzo beans, feta cheese, spinach, a very light marina base, seasoned with, of course, garlic, paprika and a dash of salt 'n pepper. very tasty!

how i've missed you (gluten free) fried chicken

fried chicken is definitely in the top ten of foods i miss terribly since i have to eat gluten free. i have made a variety of types of breading for fried chicken: with gluten free flour, corn starch, crumbled pretzels, gf bread crumbs, and crackers. on this occasion i used the leftover corn chips we had stowed away in our pantry, probably never to be eaten :). i added some gf flour, eggs yolks, a pinch of corn starch, green onions, and my two best friends when in the kitchen, paprika and garlic! the chicken was juicy, plump and so full of flavor (thanks to whole foods) and the breading tasted better than i can remember any fried chicken ever tasting. you may prefer kfc, but i definitely opt for the "get your hands dirty, cooked every so slowly to retain the most flavor, and sarah tweaked garlic/paprika version. let me know if you want a taste :)

i'll close for now with some fun quotes all about cooking... more meals to come :)

Some Words to Cook By (at least I do):

"I kiss better than I cook"
a gift from Mama

"When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste."
Laiko Bahrs

"Cooking is at once child's play and adult joy. And cooking done with care is an act of love."
Craig Claiborne, Kitchen Primer

"Cooking is like love, it should be entered into with abandon or not at all"
Harriet van Horne

"Some people like to paint pictures, or do gardening, or build a boat in the basement. Other people get a tremendous pleasure out of the kitchen, because cooking is just as creative and imaginative an activity as drawing, or wood carving, or music."
Julia Child

"Dining with one's friends and beloved family is certainly one of life's primal and most innocent delights, one that is both soul-satisfying and eternal."
Julia Child

why honduras?

believe it or not, i too have pondered this same question several times since we decided on february 5th to commit the next year (or so) of our lives to a small international school, in a big city, in a far away place neither jason or i have any real connection with. some of my questions have been: why honduras? you don't know anyone there. why honduras? it's going to be super hot all the time! why now? when the lives of the people who mean the most to you are changing so rapidly... new homes, new babies, new experiences. why now? when your life seems so uncertain from day to day, yet at the same time starting to build consistency that has been lacking. i have been blessed with a job in a very sought after school district, with a wide open future full of professional possibilities. i have found community with close friends who know me better than i know myself at times, and a wonderfully large and always present family that cares about the little things in my life, as well as the big things. i have finally met the man i have prayed years for, and now after (almost) two years of marriage, feel like we're ready to start our future together as we're both wrapping up graduate school and are ready to storm the wide open spaces of what looks like endless opportunities. so, seriously, why now God?

something i read recently that deeply impacted how I think about God's involvement in our lives is the reminder that God works in themes throughout our lives. and, when i stopped to really think about this, i realized that was true in my life for sure. why can't i seem to learn the lesson of complete dependence and surrender upon God alone. i have replaced His presence in my life so many times, with so many things. relationships have played temporary roles of stability and identify for me. work, exercise, my "to do list" has continued to keep me so busy that i forget how much i deeply need the presence of God in my life to give me purpose, rest, security and hope. i have kept lists of things to do now, and things to do "soon" and things to do in the future for as long as i can remember. i think i have always found safety in my lists, believing that i could somehow control the days and months and years of my life, as long as my list was thorough enough. and sometimes i have done just that, controlled.

so, why honduras? thankfully my sweet jason understands my need to relinquish control and rely completely on God working in our lives. couldn't we learn that lesson here, in the familiarity of our jobs and our home and our community? sure. probably. He can do anything. but for me, i feel like i need to hit the "pause" button for a minute. pause on everything we have found ourselves committed to in our first two years together. pause to simplify our lives in terms of time, space, belongings, pace of life. pause to invite God alone to speak His words of faith, love and calling in to our lives. i believe we've been trying to do this all along, but don't always live like we mean it. our prayer is that during this next year of uncertainty that God would continue to define for us His purposes for our new life together, both daily responsibilities and future dreams. we hope for sweet moments together of celebrating the new life he has joined in the both of us through marriage. we expect times of complete surrender, as we so naturally cling to control and our own understanding. mostly, we pray that God would continue to change us as we rely completely on Him alone.

gotta love the internet...

i was searching the internet for information about san pedro sula, the orphanage we would be volunteering with, and the local community and found this previous teacher's blog. turns out, he's canadian, but worked at EIS from 2005-06, and so it was fun to read through his experience working there for a year. take look and you'll get a sneak peek in to what we're getting ourselves into. some highlights for me were: scuba in belize, going to guatemala, nicaragua and el salvador for excursions, hiking up a volcano and a mountain, a triathlon on the island, and the sweet faces at hogar de ninos. enjoy! http://www.ballofdirt.com/journeys/7591.html

giving

as jason and i prepare to re-locate to Honduras in a few short months, we are working very hard to check a number of items off our very, very long to do list. each month that goes by brings new challenges to accomplish, ensuring we are ready for this big move! one of the most important items on our list involves faithful and loving servants of god all around the world. we have been supporting missionaries in warrenville, brazil and thailand together and separately for over ten years! the faces and names of these faithful servants have remained close in our hearts as they have become personal friends. as we prepare to leave for a year, it's most important to us that the missionaries we have come to love through our regular monthly support, continue to receive the prayer and funds necessary for their daily work. as we leave and prepare to use our very limited resources to pour in to the Honduran community that god has directed us to, please prayerfully consider joining our efforts in support of those close to us who are caring for "the least of these" all around the world. anything you can give would help. our plan is to continue our monthly giving as normal, but are prayerfully hoping that friends and family help us continue this responsibility as our financial lifestyle drastically changes. we would need monthly contributions from july 2011 - july 2012. if you will help, read on to learn about the organizations we support monthly, and contact us when you're ready to make a commitment.

warrenville youth and family services
http://www.outreachcommunityministries.com/page.asp?p=2&i=57
jason and i re-connected and fell in love while working at warrenville youth and family services. we both worked for the quest program, which serves local middle and elementary school students in the warrenville community. wyfs also offers counseling, financial assistance, mentoring and hispanic outreach services. this local ministry seeks to be the hands and feet of jesus in a hurting community, while restoring hope through opportunities for people working to become all god intended them to be.

thailand: servantworks
http://www.servantworks.com/well
i began supporting "the well" ministry in bangkok, thailand when a group of friends from aurora introduced me to jim larson and the vision god gave him to serve women and girls working in the sex-trade industry. this ministry has introduced many women to the saving and powerful love of jesus, while providing work opportunities to meet the financial needs of their families. one dear friend, prang, has returned to her village to work towards educating poor thai children, in hopes to prevent any more from entering the desperate life of sex-trade. god is doing a miraculous work in so many. i have been privileged to see faith in action demonstrated with such authority and love by the larson family, prang and many others connected with "the well".

brasil: action international ministries
http://www.actionintl.org/index.php?page=countries&item=5
god moved most dramatically in my heart as a 17 year teenager on a short-term mission trip to sao paulo, brasil. (fun fact... jason and i were on this trip together!) thomas and susanna smoak communicated the love of christ for the poor and hurting in the world so clearly and passionately. i was convinced that it's god desire to use anyone who is willing to bless others and communicate his love and truth to a fallen world. for a time i was convinced that the only way i could live out this calling was by leaving all i had in the states, and moving to the favelas of sao paulo. i'm not sure that god answered this question one way or another, yet, but i have learned through many conversations with the smoaks and times on my knees crying out to god, that the "where" of god using you matters little, compared with the "why" we are called to serve others and the "how". i was so fortunate in 2003 to return to brasil for a summer of learning about overseas ministry and god's calling on my life. truthfully, the most influential lessons i have learned about serving god can be directly related to my time in brasil or in community with the smoaks and their brasilian friends. currently, we support the smoak family in their calling to lead local and international missionaries in brasil, as well as local adoption efforts to provide street kids with loving, christian families. join us!

thank you for reading this rather long post, and hearing our desire to continue supporting the few organizations and missionaries that god has specifically laid on our hearts. we know god calls each and every one of us to give, and also that it can be very personal for some. please give cheerfully and out of the abundance that god has blessed you with. this is the best way we can think of to ask for support from our friends and family as we take this step of faith to move to honduras.