why honduras?

believe it or not, i too have pondered this same question several times since we decided on february 5th to commit the next year (or so) of our lives to a small international school, in a big city, in a far away place neither jason or i have any real connection with. some of my questions have been: why honduras? you don't know anyone there. why honduras? it's going to be super hot all the time! why now? when the lives of the people who mean the most to you are changing so rapidly... new homes, new babies, new experiences. why now? when your life seems so uncertain from day to day, yet at the same time starting to build consistency that has been lacking. i have been blessed with a job in a very sought after school district, with a wide open future full of professional possibilities. i have found community with close friends who know me better than i know myself at times, and a wonderfully large and always present family that cares about the little things in my life, as well as the big things. i have finally met the man i have prayed years for, and now after (almost) two years of marriage, feel like we're ready to start our future together as we're both wrapping up graduate school and are ready to storm the wide open spaces of what looks like endless opportunities. so, seriously, why now God?

something i read recently that deeply impacted how I think about God's involvement in our lives is the reminder that God works in themes throughout our lives. and, when i stopped to really think about this, i realized that was true in my life for sure. why can't i seem to learn the lesson of complete dependence and surrender upon God alone. i have replaced His presence in my life so many times, with so many things. relationships have played temporary roles of stability and identify for me. work, exercise, my "to do list" has continued to keep me so busy that i forget how much i deeply need the presence of God in my life to give me purpose, rest, security and hope. i have kept lists of things to do now, and things to do "soon" and things to do in the future for as long as i can remember. i think i have always found safety in my lists, believing that i could somehow control the days and months and years of my life, as long as my list was thorough enough. and sometimes i have done just that, controlled.

so, why honduras? thankfully my sweet jason understands my need to relinquish control and rely completely on God working in our lives. couldn't we learn that lesson here, in the familiarity of our jobs and our home and our community? sure. probably. He can do anything. but for me, i feel like i need to hit the "pause" button for a minute. pause on everything we have found ourselves committed to in our first two years together. pause to simplify our lives in terms of time, space, belongings, pace of life. pause to invite God alone to speak His words of faith, love and calling in to our lives. i believe we've been trying to do this all along, but don't always live like we mean it. our prayer is that during this next year of uncertainty that God would continue to define for us His purposes for our new life together, both daily responsibilities and future dreams. we hope for sweet moments together of celebrating the new life he has joined in the both of us through marriage. we expect times of complete surrender, as we so naturally cling to control and our own understanding. mostly, we pray that God would continue to change us as we rely completely on Him alone.