our little light...Ilona Noelle

It's a girl! I imagined over and over what it would feel like for Dr. Bueso to announce to us who this little bambino has been all along. All I could do is cry tears of joy when he first presented us with our baby girl. Of course, my reaction would have been the same if he said, "it's a boy", :) but we were so delighted to become parents instantly of this new, perfect, shining light, our daughter.

as we met our sweet little one for the first few moments, all we could do was gaze into her bright, blue eyes and say thank you, thank you, thank you. just as the angels sing, holy, holy, holy to the one truly perfect and miracle babe born in bethlehem, so our hearts cried out in wonder and adoration. thank you, thank you, thank you for this miracle, born to us in san pedro.

our mouths instantly spoke of her as, "sweet girl" and "little one", since we hadn't yet determined her name. we had decided on two different names for a boy, as well as for a girl, but weren't sure until meeting her, just who she really was. Ilona rolled off my lips easily and naturally, to which Jason affirmed that's who she was. Ilona. A bright, shining light; Hungarian for Helen. And Noelle, "day of birth", reminding us of the most important birth-day in all of creation. this advent season has been especially marked with anticipation for us, as we have had the double the joy to look forward to. my favorite time of the year is easily the weeks leading up to Christmas, and culminating in a large, family celebration together on Christmas Eve. these weeks are marked with kind words, quality family time, quiet evenings, freshly fallen snow, warm drinks and flavorful meals, and joyous celebration of the gift we have been given in Jesus. as the day neared when we would finally meet our miraculous gift, the miracle of Jesus has become more and more real. born as a helpless babe, under impossible and less than ideal circumstances He entered the world helplessly and humbly, showing both the power and grace of God. our little babe entered the world saturday in a similar way, helpless and humble, defying all odds of conception and birth. her life is truly a miracle and we thank God alone for both his power and grace to fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts and provide us with another gift in the form of a baby.

our Ilona is born of a rich heritage of torch bearers, shining lights in dark places and for the sake of bringing glory to our Savior. My grandma, Ilona, has touched countless lives in countries all over the world as she and her young family emigrated from Hungary and settled in the States a little over 50 years ago. Her light is bright, a life characterized by courage, service, love and deep commitment to her family. My aunt, Helen (Ilona), brightens each and every room she enters, so fortunate to have her presence. Her heart is soft to the needs of others, and full of more love than can be explained by human standards. she is light-filled vessel, committed to her God and intent on shining brightly wherever she may be planted. Her daughter, my cousin, Rebecca Ilona has carried the name with grace and such beauty. She has the courage and commitment of her grandmother, along with the tenderness and deep love for others just like her mother. Her light is strong and bright, yet even more, it's full of beauty. Everything she touches, whether with the stroke of a paint brush, or with her tender words, is made more beautiful by the light she shines. these three women of faith have inspired me for the past 30 years to allow my life to shine brightly, thus committing my days and my ways to the glory of God alone.

and now we introduce to the world our bright, shining light, born in the most miraculous of ways. Ilona Noelle. we pray her life and ours would shine brightly in the world, bringing glory and honor to our Father God and living a life characterized by courage, love and beauty.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you...The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory" (Isaiah 60: 10,19).

eucharisteo.

in greek, and so often in the new testament, thanksgiving is referred to as "eucharisteo". it's a beautiful word with an even more beautiful meaning. i have always understood the act of giving thanks to be very much alive, lived out in our words and our deeds. the act of giving thanks has been a joyful experience for me, one lived out in such sweet moments with friends and family. after all, i have had so much to be thankful for in my life. it wasn't until recently that i started questioning my understanding of jesus' words, "Father, I thank You that You have heard Me" (John 11:41), spoken after he experienced the raising of Lazarus. Thanksgiving, eucharisteo, held so much power then. Jesus' gratitude, expressed in reverent thanksgiving, was so characteristic of his time walking the earth. He even expressed deep and real eucharisteo at the Last Supper, knowing the hours until his death were short. With thanksgiving he shared one last meal with his closest friends, fully aware of their impending betrayal. With thanksgiving he called out to his Father to spare him the cup that had already been poured, which would bring salvation to us all. Thanksgiving. The giving of Thanks. Eucharisteo. Such a joyful act, yet somehow I have found it more and more difficult to experience and even more challenging to express.

why, when i have so many opportunities to give thanks, do i instead choose to remain in my own self-pity? how can i more live the life of gratitude that paul exhorts his fellow believers to live when he says, "be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father" (ephesians 5:19-20). have i ever expected god to provide a life free from trial and strain? how could i when His own Son's life was marked by betrayal, condemnation and eventually a traitor's death? yet, in all things, He offered his life as a pleasing sacrifice, giving thanks in all things. i think, as christians, that is our highest and ultimately most challenging responsibility in this life. i think we can do nothing that pleases God more than living a life of thanksgiving, a life of active eucharisteo, of giving thanks in all things. Psalm 50:23 says, “He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God”.

i have always known that it was through my deeds that i would show the love and light of Christ in this world, but i have forgotten the very real power of eucharisteo. what if living a life of thanks really does please and honor God? what if though my attitude and actions of giving thanks, others around me are encouraged to seek after the face of God? what if through the process of recognizing the countless reasons i have in my life to be thankful, my heart becomes softer and closer to the heart of God? would i give thanks then?

i recently finished reading a book, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskkamp, in which the author accepts a challenge to count and then write about one thousand gifts she can recognize in her own life. i carefully and thoughtfully read her experiences, challenged and convicted, by how many different ways she was able to see the hand of God in her life. when was the last time i expressed gratitude for the ways that soap bubbles carry the reminder of God's Promise, in the form of a rainbow, as they escape from my sink of dirty dishes? do i believe in this act of eucharisteo, God is blessed?

while imprisoned Paul wrote to the Philippians about his discovery of finding contentment and fulfillment in all things (Philippians 4). i think he was referring to thankfulness. the bible promises we have all we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), and i have come to learn that this begins with our hearts. i have recognized the need in my life for more gratitude, for more regular thanksgiving, for true eucharisteo. this is where it all starts for me. this is how i draw closer to god and how i make sense of the crazy world around me. this is how i honor Him with my life, when i feel like it's really of no consequence at all. this is how i bring grace and encouragement to those around me.

eucharisteo is so powerful and i'm very grateful for the reminder this Thanksgiving season to express my thanks in and for all things.

happy eucharisteo.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas... and a baby ;)

this will be short...just a few updated pictures of life here in honduras

bambino's nook in our bedroom

our baby stash

our beautiful view

our office

the living room

the living room

our kitchen

our kitchen

our dining room

36 week bump

getting so excited!

34 weeks and bed-rest free!

Yep! At my appointment today we learned that Bambino moved out of birthing position and is no longer "engaged". In medical (and somewhat graphic terms, sorry), my cervix is closed and long, the baby has flipped back over "sunny side up" and is not lodged in my pelvis. Now we hope he/she stays this way for at least the next 2-3 weeks. Thank you for your prayers, support and encouragement. My week at home resting was difficult emotionally at times, but I was able to rest, think and read a lot more. It also gave me some ample planning time. Yesterday I made and froze three full meals for us for after Bambino arrives, Jason deep cleaned out apartment and we "got our nursery together". Which really means that we moved around a book shelf in our bedroom, found and cleaned a chair from storage and moved in the pack-n-play. Oh, and I had a little bit of fun with stickers :). I also packed the baby's hospital bag, early I know, but I truthfully don't think this baby is going to wait until the middle of December. We'll see, though, but I definitely feel better when I'm prepared :) Here's a brief description of the changes Bambino is facing this week, as copied from one of my many weekly pregnancy emails:

How your baby's growing:
Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

And now a couple of updated pictures. My belly shot is really for my mom, sorry for everyone else who really doesn't care what an almost 9 month pregnant stomach looks like :) And the last one is taken in our bedroom, right by the Bambino's nook. Enjoy!

33 weeks and happy halloween!

last weekend brought a whirlwind of activity. it started off with a halloween party with other teachers at our school. i decided against my uncle joe's idea of painting my abundant belly like a soccer ball and showing it off all night. sorry uncle joe...probably would have made for a unique costume, but not really my style :) instead, i dressed as mother nature, only needing to add a few of our house decorations to my comfy pregnancy clothes. jason went as father time. he spent significant time watching tutorials on how to wrap the sheet "just right", like a toga of sorts. it was a proud, shining moment for him when the sheet stayed up. the trickiest part of his costume was how to make him age substantially without the help of a costume store. i think you'll appreciate mama's suggestion...don't worry it's a new mop! here we are...

and here we are with our friends...

this past weekend we also spent some time "nesting", as some would call it. i shopped and bought the grocery store almost out of stock of their gluten free baking mixes. i have enough to make bread, muffins, brownies, scones, pancakes... you name it, for the first few months of this baby's life. :) we also cleaned and assembled the car seat that a co-worker is loaning us while we are here. we bought one for ourselves a few weeks ago, only to learn that, although it was a graco, it was only manufactured for the UK and so it would be impossible to get attachments parts and the base for the car in the States. we quickly returned it and started the search for a loaner. we're super grateful from the response of a few teachers who were willing to lend us one until we go home in june and can buy one for ourselves. it's even cute and gender neutral, and will always remind me of my friend dani, who is obsessed with owls! :) jason also assembled the pack and play we brought down as the one stop shop for this baby. it has a raised bassinet, an attached changing table and a vibrating chair. it's pretty fun to see a few more signs around the house of the changes we are soon to experience. the babies clothes are washed and put away. we have some diapers and wipes and other essential "first days" items. now we wait for the bundle to arrive. man i wish it were being dropped off by a stork :) our last bit of nesting was to put up our christmas decorations. early? yes, i know... but i have been having more and more labor related dreams and i even saw our sweet little face in my dreams last week, so hard not to think our days are numbered. i have always been a little over-prepared, why stop now? the christmas decorations help us to feel a little more at home here, and will give the house a nice sparkling, glow when we bring home our december baby. more pics to come...

and now some baby talk... Cambios & Noticias as we finish 33 weeks and begin 34...

the baby is now measuring about 5 pounds, about the weight of a cantaloupe (via ultrasound) and continues to show wonderful growth and overall development. as far as moving goes, "when is the baby not moving?" would be a better question. jason's pretty excited to raise a soccer play, I'm thinking more along the lines of latin dancer or swimmer, but somehow we know all of this moving will go to good use at some point. for now, all the moving keeps me on my toes, and stops me from getting a full night's sleep. my guess is those days are long gone, at least for a while- a small price to pay for all the joy that is to come! oh, and the baby definitely loves music. not a surprise to me either and our musical family. the moving picks up quite a bit whenever we listen to music, or even when we're just talking to each other as we lay in bed. it's like the baby doesn't want to be left out... "don't forget about me! i'm here, too!" at least that's what we imagine is going on. all this to say, we're getting pretty excited to meet this little bambino/a! 49 days until d-day. seriously, goodness!

we had an appointment yesterday and learned that the contractions i have been feeling are stronger and more regular than i had realized. after monitoring me for 20 minutes, and 9 strong contractions later, dr. bueso ordered me to bed rest until at least the end of the week. he if following up with some infections i have been fighting and will stop by for a house visit sometime today to check on my contractions. good news is, although the baby rotated over and is in position, head down (has been for several weeks now), my cervix is still closed and the baby is not "engaged"...whatever that means ;). his hope is that with some medication and a lot of rest my contractions will stop or slow down enough to avoid pre-term labor. he said he wants this baby to stay warm and cozy in my uterus for at minimum three more weeks.

my mind is kind of all over the place with all this. i have had a sneaking suspicion i wouldn't make it all the way to december 19 (sorry jacqueline), but this child has been growing so much and is so active (and i feel so huge), that i couldn't imagine carrying this load for a full 40 weeks. i was also born a month early (surprising, i know), so it's always been a possibility in my mind. but, i'm definitely not ready now! for today we're hoping and praying for another month of a healthy pregnancy, but in the same breath trying to trust in will of our creator god, who allowed this miracle in our lives 8 1/2 months ago. we know his ways are not our own, but are always good, and are finding rest in that truth alone.

my crazy talented sister... part II

how am i so lucky to have not one, but two crazy talented sisters? i haven't been the most stellar big sister, not always realizing and celebrating the gifts and abilities that my sisters have. sorry for that. but, now i am making up for lost time, i guess :)

here's a sneak peak at the amazingly, adorable gifts my sister liz made for her little sobrino/a. she even made sure everything was gender neutral since we have wanted to keep the gender of bambino/a a surprise to everyone... even us! sorry for the sub-par pictures, they definitely do not do her handiwork justice. here goes. and yes, she is "for hire". :)

hand-painted and stenciled onsies

one in a million toys: ribbon blanket and rattle

the boppy cover

baby bloomers

more baby bloomers

a baby burrito bag

insert bambino

thanks larm! i am so sure bambino will love all of his/her stylish clothes... keep up the good work!

my crazy talented sister

which one? great question... for this post i am going to showcase the amazing talent of my sister Joey. (you're welcome sister) :) dancer, performer, writer, creator... to name a few talents. but the talent i have personally benefited the most from is her skill in photography. she graciously took jason and my unofficial engagement pictures (about a month earlier than our actual engagement, but that's a story for another day...) and then created our save the dates and other wedding related propaganda ;) these pictures are some of my most cherished and favorite pictures of us together. love you sister!

here's a peek at some of your (and your then fiancé's) amazing work from back in the day (nov 2008 to be exact) ... there are a lot, it was too hard to decide which i like the best :)

like what you see? here are some more recent ones. jason and i had the amazing privilege to visit my sister and brother-in-law this summer in virginia beach. they were amazing hosts and showed us a great time! if you need a vacation spot, i highly recommend the havenner's place in va beach. :) in the midst of all the fun, they found time and inspiration to help jason and i document our first pregnancy journey. so here are some shots from that time, again... there are a lot.

18 weeks and in the middle of my second trimester.